Friday, July 20, 2007

Faux Pas (how do you pluralize French, anyway?)

I hate making social blunders. Especially when it's unforeseen by me. The internet can be a difficult place to foresee these mistakes. There is no tone, no inflection! I am usually the first person to say "Hey, be nice! We can't hear if you're sarcastic or serious!" but sometimes, (usually late at night or when totally distracted by children running amok and all) I type and then hit enter and then go onto my next blog to wreck havoc there.

I made a comment on someone's blog that I think may have started some hurt feelings. I didn't mean to, and if my comment WAS the culprit of an argument, I publicly apologize to the blogger (she has since removed the posts). I'm not sure, as I clicked away and then went to bed and never read any comments following, but I was trying to stick up for her in all honesty and may have sounded a bit harsh.

So, to clarify, for anyone who didn't read it: the topic was discussing daycare and preschool and how our children seem forced into structured care and school situations by society nowadays. She was merely saying that she didn't feel the structured situations were ideal for all families. Well, apparently people took this as a bash on working moms or something, and started putting in their two cents about how their kids were fine, blah blah blah.

Ok, this is MY blog now, so I get to put in MY 2 cents.

If you work, YES, your kids ARE fine! I AGREE!! Isn't that amazing?? And guess what? I am a SAHM, and my kids are fine TOO!! Also? I think it's fabulous that my kids get to grow up knowing their mom on a day in day out basis. FABulous!! But you know what? This does NOT MEAN that I think you are hurting your kids or that your kids won't know you as well as mine do because you work!!! Isn't it amazing how I can support both sides?!? (and the amount of exclamation! points! I can put in one paragraph?!?!!!!!)

I get really tired of people trying to justify their positions all the time. Honestly? I don't care if you work. I don't care if you have to work or want to work or can't find a job, unless you ask me for my opinion!! Otherwise, I'll just assume that you're happy with your life, or that you've made choices that you either wanted to or had to.
Oh, and guess what? I USED TO WORK. I know. Shocker. I worked for 15 months of Justin's babyhood... and hated every moment of it. But I had to work. Or so I thought. 15 months of daycare challenges and tears (mine and his), of frustration and sicknesses (chicken pox at 4 months people!) we (I) decided that working was no longer an option. I quit and I did daycare for a friend and I did piece work for my old company until we got used to the smaller income. We scrimped and saved and were thrilled when Patrick got a raise that evened out my piddly excuse for one. So I know, I know what it is to "have to" work. And, again? Unless you are asking me my opinion of YOUR situation, I don't have an opinion.

Wow. I ranted. And I'm thinking that I really should do a proofread (ahem) but I REALLY have to take care of a wet-bottomed baby that just came in here. Oh, and Evan just started his morning crying jag...

NO TIME to check!

15 comments:

Type (little) a said...

Oh Tracy, we're are just sisters from another mister, I swear.

I've said stuff I've regretted, too. And this whole mommy wars issue. Damn. People get so defensive about their choices. It's just their own insecurites. I know this because I do this sometimes (get defensive) as much as I try to quell it.

I got it when I was a SAHM and now that I am working full time.

We moms are held to such impossible standards. We have to be perfect and selfless and shave our legs every day. I can't take it sometimes.

As for the original remark. I agree. I don't like that my daughter is in daycare. I don't like the forced conformity of it. But it has benefits (besides $$) over a nanny. So I made the best choice under the circumstances, not the PERFECT one.

Cause that would be me staying home, with her in preschool like 2 days a week, AND the big ol paycheck in my bank account every friday, without having to work for it of course.

OOH, that reminds me, Must go buy Lotto Tickets.

SOOOO, long way around to telling you don't worry about it. I get it.

Hugs

Jamie said...

You are right, what we type to each other can be read in different ways, and easily misinterpreted. That's pretty scary when other peoples feelings are at stake. Hope everything smoothed over with your blogger friend. And be more careful next time, would ya? (j/k) :)

I agree that whether or not you work is a personal decision based on what is best for the mom and the baby. If you are both happy, then it is working. My humble opinion anyway.

Melissa R. Garrett said...

I've been on both sides of the fence too, so I know how defensive moms can get when they feel like their choices are being attacked. There are days when I feel like my kids would be better off in daycare, at least for a few hours or so. Trying to get any writing done this summer has been next to impossible with them around, and I find myself staying up into the wee hours of the morning to accomplish anything. All it does is make for one tired mama. With Jake at preschool camp today and Bridget asleep, I finally had to tell Hannah to "find something quiet to do" while I could get a little work done. Of course that meant an hour+ parked in front of the TV even though I gave her endless options. That's not what I consider quality parenting, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Melissa said...

Isn't it amazing how defensive we get? I think that we are all so afraid that we're making a mistake somehow. We all worry that we aren't doing enough and so we have to defend our positions to the death. It is the only way we can sleep at night!
Personally, I'm with you. Each person has to choose what works for them and their family. It may not be what works for me, but to each his/her own!

Kailani said...

I agree that this whole SAHM vs. WAHM thing sometimes gets out of hand. It's a personal choice that each parent makes. Just be happy that you have wonderful children.

Kailani
An Island Life

Elizabeth F. said...

I agree with all the mamas comments. I did not read the original post that you are referring to, but I have felt like the other blogger in question feels. I am a SAHM, but in the city that I live in most moms are Working mothers, which is fine, and the other SAHM's seem to put their kids into pre-school starting at age 2. So, now that my youngest is almost 2, I'm getting the questions. Where is he going for PS? Why not? Why won't he go in the nursery at church? VBS? Geez...people! I'm a SAHM for a reason. I want to be with my kids, especially during the younger years. It just seems like society's norm is pushing your kids out the door really early. Too early for me. And, on top of that, we are a family on a budget--ahem...I'm a SAHM! I can't afford 2 in Preschool at one time! JMO...

Mike said...

That's why I love reading your blog and comments. You're honest.


Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/

BStrong said...

Hey, a mom just has to make the situation work no matter which one it is. I was raised with a stay at home mom and I'm far from sane.

I hope I didn't offend you somehow:)

Tracey said...

Cute, B. I am SO totally offended right now.

(You COULD hear the sarcasm there, right?)

Ruby said...

I figure if people didn't want to know what you have to say they would close their comments.

I think it's commendable that you defend your blogger friends. Or, at least...that's what you mean to do;)

Oh, and thanks for the comment. It's nice to know I was missed.

painted maypole said...

I didn't read all the comments that caused the whole brou-ha-ha... but I am with you. Why does someone have to be RIGHT? Can't I just have my opinion, and what is right for me, and respect your opinion, too? yikes!

Lainey-Paney said...

oh goodness!
The drama in the blogosphere...

..and I missed it all!

Jen, Fred, Jennifer or Mom said...

well, I am glad I missed out on that drama, have enough of my own, thankyouverymuch.......anywhoooooo......such is life Tracey, and I agree with everything you wrote and I too worked for about 15 months of Charles' babyhood.....missed out on soooo much glad to be a SAHM these last 13 (OMG, I am getting OLD!) years. But everyone has to make desicions that are best for their own family. No right or wrong answers here.....

anywhoooo, hugs, and sorry I wasn't there to back YOU up!!

Payton's Mommy said...

Tracey, I just wish moms everywhere would start to feel comfortable with their choices and not feel so guilty about working or about staying home. My feeling is that you do what is best for you and your family and then you move on with your life and talk about something more powerful -- like saving the earth or raising respectful children...or the newest Harry Potter book! :)

Payton's Mommy said...

P.S. good for you for posting this blog and apologizing and being the 'bigger' mom! :)

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